Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
