mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
