I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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