By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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