We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
