my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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