i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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