And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
