You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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