if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you had me at cake vodka
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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