I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
