I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
