i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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