Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
