the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
