I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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