Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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