So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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