She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
