Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
