And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
NoShamevember. You game?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
