btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
