I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
