We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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