So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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