I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
