How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
