i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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