K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
