Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
