Hey man sorry I got all grabby
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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