so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
