Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So much Jack, so little girl.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
