Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
