I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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