I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
