I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
