sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
