tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
