no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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