I could make wine with my vomit
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
