S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
