I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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