so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
