Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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