roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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