Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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