His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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