it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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