last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
