i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
