worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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